When you become a parent, you have many wishes for your child. Of course most importantly, you wish for your child's health. I am fortunate to have two healthy children, a blessing I try not to take for granted. Among the many wishes I hold for my children, there is one in particular that I hold deep within the depths of my heart for our little girl. I am certain there are mothers who never have this wish for their child. Just as I am certain there are other mothers who share my wish for their darling daughters. In particular mothers who have anything remotely close to the bond I have would want this for their daughters as well.
My wish for Jocelyn is to have a sister.
Please freeze in your thoughts my dear family and friends reading this. I am NOT pregnant nor are we even beginning to think about adding another child into this crazy mix yet. I am thoroughly enjoying every minute of my life with my two little loves and they keep me plenty busy. Maybe we will never have another child but I believe I will always have this wish.
I wish that one day Jocelyn will have a sister, because I am aware of how truly fortunate I am to have mine. Throughout our lives we develop many friendships. Some friendships we are thankful to enjoy for many years. And some friendships help us get through a phase and in the grand scheme of life are short lived. And still other friendships are ones we later wish we never developed. But the friendship in sisterhood is different. It is strong and patient and indeed lifelong. It is forgiving and understanding and remarkable. It is an extraordinary blessing!
On many a wedding day and in the years to follow, a woman will proclaim she is marrying or is married to her best friend. Fortunately, my husband is well aware that the role of best friend is one he shares with my sister. He is aware that our secrets are shared with her. For instance, when we began trying to have a baby it is something we opted not to share with others because we didn't want people continuously asking if we were pregnant nor did I want anyone giving my belly a once over and speculating that the extra slice of pizza I had was the beginnings of a baby bump. But my sister was of course privy to our dream of starting a family.
What is the best part of having a sister? The inside jokes. The lifetime of memories. Having someone you can fight with one minute and be laughing with two minutes later. A closet to steal clothes from (or in my case be stolen from). Sharing dreams. Pushing each other to reach new goals. Secret ways of communicating. The knowledge that someone is always in your corner when you need them. And the knowledge that the same person in your corner will put you in your place when it's needed.
The best part of having a sister is that all of the above and so much more is wrapped up into the relationship shared between you and just one other person.
I could flood this post, in fact this entire blog, with pictures and stories of my sister and I. And even if I were to do so, it wouldn't serve justice to our friendship. My attempts at explaining how much I treasure my sister may be futile at best, but hopefully it will provide insight as to why I so desperately want Jocelyn to have a sister one day.
When you are little, a sister is a constant companion. I never had to ask my mom if she could come play or if we could have a sleep over. Between the two of us, we could always figure out something to do. And being the older sister, she provided me with an excuse to play with "kid toys". The nightly dance shows we created and put on for our family was ungodly and could easily be deemed as torture. But for me these are happy memories ingrained in my head and heart. I want this for Jocelyn.
As I grew to be high school age and my sister middle school age. We were worlds apart. At times I wanted the persistent shadow that was my sister to disappear, but in hindsight a persistent shadow sure does make you feel special. My little shadow provided an escape from the petty drama between friends and the tears caused by teenage heartache. I want this for Jocelyn
Somewhere in my college days and my sister's high school days our friendship evolved. We began to confide in each other in ways we hadn't before. Though we were miles apart we grew closer than ever. We weren't forced to be friends because we lived under the same roof. We chose to be friends because we needed each other. I want this for Jocelyn
By the time I began teaching and my sister was in college, our friendship reached new depths. On the surface we shared similar interests. Life wasn't about big sister and little sister anymore. To me the best part about this time of our lives was we created a goal to reach together. It wasn't something I had done and now my little sister was following in my footsteps. Nor was it something I watched my little sister do and thought, I wish I had done that. Together we set out to run a marathon. The most gratifying part of running 26.2 miles, aside from successfully crossing the finish line of course, was having the privilege to learn more about my sister with each step of training. I want this for Jocelyn.
I didn't think twice about who would be my maid of honor on the day those wedding bells chimed. This isn't a distinction I bestowed upon my sister simply because she is my sister. On my wedding day I wanted the person who knew me best to support me as I married the other person who knew me best. And in a way I look at my wedding day as not only the day I got to marry the perfect man for me, but also the day when my perfect sister agreed to share me with my perfect man. I want this for Jocelyn
Just months ago, I was pregnant with Jocelyn and spilled tears over the idea of sharing my love between Charlie and his soon to be sister. Repeatedly my mother told me, "The best gift you can give your children is their siblings". Never once did I reflect on this in my own life. But alas I realize she couldn't be more right!
In this move to Las Vegas the hardest goodbye was the one I shared with my sister. Still I know our friendship will evolve yet again. Truthfully if it weren't for cell phones, emails, text messages, facebook, google chat and so on, I don't think I could stomach being so far away from her. See my sister has undoubtedly been one of the best gifts I have ever received. I couldn't imagine my life without my sister. And this is why I don't want Jocelyn to live a life with an empty space that a sister could so lovingly fill.
